Sunday, January 27, 2013

10 Things I Hate About Movies - Part 7.

7. Spoilers

Not something I ever used to care about and it doesn’t always pertain to movies. It is an annoyance and more directed at the film goers than the industry – at least it used to be.

It’s one thing when a fat asshole blurts out the ending to a movie you were going to see in about 30 minutes time and thinks it’s funny that they ruined it for you, but it’s another thing entirely when the industry does it too.

Magazine articles, Facebook groups, commercials, even trailers on DVDs, all contain some amount of spoilers. Why? It’s like they assume you sit glued to your TV, or the big screen , the very moment the entire rest of the world is watching it as well so it’s fine to blab out key movies less than an hour after the movie or TV is over.

It’s not alright. You’re being a fucking dick. A huge, ignorant, loud-mouthed dick. No one thinks you’re cool, there’s not a gaggle of hot girls waiting around the corner to have group supermodel sex with you because you loudly blurted out the butler did it. In fact, they might knee you in the groin like you deserve and chances are that’s about as close to any “action” as you’ll ever get or deserve anyway.

There were spoilers in the “Spiderman 2” commercials that aired a week or so after it was released. Industry entertainment magazine and reviews pretty much recap the movie for you so why the hell bother seeing it? A trailer at the beginning of the 5th season of Dexter, pointed out how the season ended – that’s awesome, no need to watch it now, thanks. Oh, and on the flipside, if you wanted to blame the commercials for ruining the “surprise” of the “The 6th Sense”, you must stay away from me. Forever.

I’ve removed myself from most of the Facebook groups that are for some of the few shows I watch because as soon as the episode has aired they’re making posts about it. Are we that hard up for gossip that now even movies and TV shows are close enough fodder? Dexter (Season 3 or 4) and Burn Notice (Season 6) – your Facebook pages are run by assholes.

Luckily, since I stay away from reviews (I’m not a fan movie critics for the most part anyway, since it’s become a form of entertainment in itself now instead of an actual relevant critique or review), I don’t have cable so I don’t see commercials every 15 minutes. My friends are all smart enough and I think most of them feel the same way about spoilers (although I can point out a couple I’d like to give a smack to) so they don’t say anything. I’m still surprised I managed to watch the last Harry Potter movie with no idea what was going to happen – that was nice for a change.

This isn’t something I blame the studios for, at least not entirely. When it comes to commercials and trailers they do take a bit of the blame, it’s the rest of the media and public that take the blame for this one.

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