Monday, December 31, 2012

Top Search Engine Terms of the Year for 2012

I did one of these halfway through the year this time around and it doesn't feel like it was 6 months ago, but here we are at another year end and it's time to round up the thinks that freaks out there search for that land them on my blog.

Top Ten Search Engine Terms.

1. severed finger (along with a dozen or more variations)
2. s (I’m not really sure about this one)
3. fake axe (several variations on this as well)
4. fox henderson (seems logical)
5. monkey prosthetics (which is kind of funny since I would never make such a thing, but both words are relevant)
6. julie laforest (congratulation Julie, you are obviously the target of many a creepy internet stalkers) 7. vampire nose (nothing special there)
8. zombie photo shoot (seems reasonable)
9. monkey rodeo project (a name which hopefully no longer exists to cause confusion)
10.zombie prosthetic (perfectly reasonable as well)

So, those all seem like pretty straightforward search terms that would land someone on this blog. Now for the weird ones. A lot were misspelled or seemed to have odd grammar and whatnot, so what you’re seeing is how I actually saw them in the list.

retro bimbo – I get where this one would lead someone to me and I sort of get what they might be looking for, but it does seem a little bit of an odd phrase.

richard allen poppe – just by placing this here I will incur more hits. He’s the fellow who I had long ago purchased some Lovecraft inspired props from. While I had two more or less decent transactions with him, a lot of people seem to really rag on him on having ripped them off. I can’t say I’m surprised since it did take the better part of a year to get three book props out of him after repeated excuses – maybe they were legit, I don’t know. It’s too bad whatever the reason he’s vanished from the net, he made good stuff

cool forehead prosthetics – ah, that explains why I’m not selling enough, I label mine as “lame forehead prosthetics”. Really, this is kind of stupid

severed finger props – I can only assume the word “props” was added because they were seeing way too many real severed finger

real bone hammer - ? I actually had to look this one up myself to see if it was a real thing or someone out there was just a little creepy. It is a real thing, but also a video game thing

hookers for sale – as opposed to just for rent. I guess someone was hoping to find a Pimp “going out of business” sale

cad finger – I’m guessing a 3D thing or the finger of a roguish fellow

prostetic good - Because for a minute – not sure if there’s more to this or this wasn’t intended to be a search. Also, you spelled prosthetic wrong

things that are 10lbs – sure, why the hell not

troll foot – makes me thing I really need to remake my baby trolls feet for resale.

demons with horns face – nice grammar

male finger – uh, okay

pictures of severed fingers – Okay, there were definitely looking for real ones and that’s kinda messed up

brittleness object – the hell?

sweet hell – ah yes, sweet, sweet hell. ?

monkey head for sale – someone was watching Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom again, weren’t they?

5 piece ear spike project – that seems very specific and I’ve no idea what it is

horrible monster images – hey, I resent that, I make nice monster images, they’re not horrible. Can't tell if they were looking for images of horrible monsters or shitty images of monsters.

real severed silicone finger props –someone is very confused here, I only sell fake props – they don’t actually exist, if you want real props, go somewhere else. ?

how to make a troll in clay – I appreciate the fact people might be looking for “how to”s online, but do they really thing they’d find something this specific? I mean would they have accepted it if it was just a goblin made of clay?

thumbor – I got nothing

well done prosthetic horns – again, mine are all labeled as shitty and will most likely cause gingivitis. I really need to label my stuff better

a severed finger painting – amidst the literally dozens of variations on severed digits, this one actually seems original for a change. They don’t want to see a real or prop severed finger, and not a picture – but a painting of one. Very nice choice. I believe it was Monet who went through a severed finger period.

finger monkey for sale – really? I don’t want to know

hooker hell – I can only assume it would be filled with either gay men or men with only 2 cents in their pockets

men eater monkey movie – this is just an example of random words or bad grammar

double malefinger – I don’t know about this one and I don’t think I want to

best werewolf prosthetic – again, I knew I should’ve went with this instead of “worst werewolf prosthetic”

male to female silicone – this just creeps me out for some reason

It’s a gortch” - Nope, no idea either

hooker man – that just sounds funny. Man-whore is the preferred nomenclature however

movies about hookers – yup, plenty of classy stuff came out of this search to be sure

foamy axe – it probably won’t work well

Why do I have demon ears – I think I posted this one before, it’s awesome.

witch doctor monkeys – hell yeah, that sounds awesome.

brilliant uzukler - ?

As usual, nearly every female I’ve worked with was searched for at least once and sometimes with “PEI” or “Charlottetown” following it – so yeah, some of you have stalkers perhaps. Or you’re searching for yourselves.

Severed fingers and fake axes had, I’d say, a couple dozen variations each. It’s pretty impressive actually.

As well, several variations of prosthetics, types of prosthetics – ears, horns, noses and whatnot. They all seem pretty reasonable.

Overall it wasn’t too disturbing a year at least.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous11:01 PM

    Sweet Baybee Jeebus.
    There's some strange things that people are looking for.
    Looks like they kinda came to the right place.
    Hope to see you soon...
    Kim B