I did one of these halfway through the year this time around and it doesn't feel like it was 6 months ago, but here we are at another year end and it's time to round up the thinks that freaks out there search for that land them on my blog.
Top Ten Search Engine Terms.
1. severed finger (along with a dozen or more variations)
2. s (I’m not really sure about this one)
3. fake axe (several variations on this as well)
4. fox henderson (seems logical)
5. monkey prosthetics (which is kind of funny since
I would never make such a thing, but both words are relevant)
6. julie laforest (congratulation Julie, you are
obviously the target of many a creepy internet stalkers)
7. vampire nose (nothing special there)
8. zombie photo shoot (seems reasonable)
9. monkey rodeo project (a name which hopefully no
longer exists to cause confusion)
10.zombie prosthetic (perfectly reasonable as well)
So, those all seem like pretty straightforward search terms
that would land someone on this blog. Now for the weird ones. A lot were misspelled
or seemed to have odd grammar and whatnot, so what you’re seeing is how I
actually saw them in the list.
retro bimbo – I get where this one would lead someone to me
and I sort of get what they might be looking for, but it does seem a little bit
of an odd phrase.
richard allen poppe – just by placing this here I will incur
more hits. He’s the fellow who I had long ago purchased some Lovecraft inspired
props from. While I had two more or less decent transactions with him, a lot of
people seem to really rag on him on having ripped them off. I can’t say I’m
surprised since it did take the better part of a year to get three book props
out of him after repeated excuses – maybe they were legit, I don’t know. It’s
too bad whatever the reason he’s vanished from the net, he made good stuff
cool forehead prosthetics – ah, that explains why I’m not
selling enough, I label mine as “lame forehead prosthetics”. Really, this is kind of stupid
severed finger props – I can only assume the word “props”
was added because they were seeing way too many real severed finger
real bone hammer - ? I actually had to look this one up
myself to see if it was a real thing or someone out there was just a little
creepy. It is a real thing, but also a video game thing
hookers for sale – as opposed to just for rent. I guess
someone was hoping to find a Pimp “going out of business” sale
cad finger – I’m guessing a 3D thing or the finger of a
prostetic good - Because for a minute – not sure if there’s
more to this or this wasn’t intended to be a search. Also, you spelled
things that are 10lbs – sure, why the hell not
troll foot – makes me thing I really need to remake my baby
trolls feet for resale.
demons with horns face – nice grammar
male finger – uh, okay
pictures of severed fingers – Okay, there were definitely
looking for real ones and that’s kinda messed up
brittleness object – the hell?
sweet hell – ah yes, sweet, sweet hell. ?
monkey head for sale – someone was watching Indiana Jones
and the Temple of Doom again, weren’t they?
5 piece ear spike project – that seems very specific and
I’ve no idea what it is
horrible monster images – hey, I resent that, I make nice
monster images, they’re not horrible. Can't tell if they were looking for images of horrible monsters or shitty images of monsters.
real severed silicone finger props –someone is very confused
here, I only sell fake props – they don’t actually exist, if you want real
props, go somewhere else. ?
how to make a troll in clay – I appreciate the fact people
might be looking for “how to”s online, but do they really thing they’d find
something this specific? I mean would they have accepted it if it was just a
goblin made of clay?
thumbor – I got nothing
well done prosthetic horns – again, mine are all labeled as
shitty and will most likely cause gingivitis. I really need to label my stuff
a severed finger painting – amidst the literally dozens of
variations on severed digits, this one actually seems original for a change.
They don’t want to see a real or prop severed finger, and not a picture – but a
painting of one. Very nice choice. I believe it was Monet who went through a severed finger period.
finger monkey for sale – really? I don’t want to know
hooker hell – I can only assume it would be filled with
either gay men or men with only 2 cents in their pockets
men eater monkey movie – this is just an example of random
words or bad grammar
double malefinger – I don’t know about this one and I don’t
think I want to
best werewolf prosthetic – again, I knew I should’ve went
with this instead of “worst werewolf prosthetic”
male to female silicone – this just creeps me out for some
It’s a gortch” - Nope, no idea either
hooker man – that just sounds funny. Man-whore is the
preferred nomenclature however
movies about hookers – yup, plenty of classy stuff came out
of this search to be sure
foamy axe – it probably won’t work well
Why do I have demon ears – I think I posted this one before,
witch doctor monkeys – hell yeah, that sounds awesome.
brilliant uzukler - ?
As usual, nearly every female I’ve worked with was searched
for at least once and sometimes with “PEI” or “Charlottetown” following it – so
yeah, some of you have stalkers perhaps. Or you’re searching for yourselves.
Severed fingers and fake axes had, I’d say, a couple dozen
variations each. It’s pretty impressive actually.
As well, several variations of prosthetics, types of
prosthetics – ears, horns, noses and whatnot. They all seem pretty reasonable.
Overall it wasn’t too disturbing a year at least.