The Rant

I debated about posting this, but it's just been one of those days so I figure I'm annoyed enough to finally rant about it here. Some of you might have heard this before, so it'll be written in red for 2 reasons: (1) so you can skip past it to any good stuff afterwards and (2) so you can see just how pissed off I am about it.

I ordered some costume pieces a little while ago, nearly 4 weeks ago now, from a company called All Things Renaissance. Not to put too a point on it, but THEY SUCK. It's supposedly a family run business that boasts:

All products offered on the All Things Renaissance faire market online web site come with a satisfaction guarantee. If - for any reason - you are not satisfied with your order, send it back and we'll refund your purchase price. Or, contact us and we'll do our best to make it right! This is our pledge to you - by our honour!

As well as the fact they usually ship in 48 hours, or as much as a week if they're really busy. They also claim to ship USPS Global Priority, which takes 6-10 business days.
So far that sounds pretty damned good, doesn't it? I figured I'd rather give a small business my money then some big factory type company...Yeah, brilliant thought process. I figured even if something goes wrong, I got 5 weeks before I need the stuff from them.

I won't bother going into what the stuff is, it's for the 60 second Lord of the Rings looking flashback scene though. I sent the order through PayPal and everything seemed cool. Little did I know I just gave my money to the one monkey in the zoo that can't even figure out who to peel a banana it's so stupid.

I sent an email asking if the order has been processed and whatnot, because I never received any confirmation from them directly, just the PayPal receipt. No response. Two weeks go by and I've sent 3 by now and finally I get a response to the very simple question of "Has my order been processed or shipped yet?" . And bear in mind this is a US company, the response was this:


"Did you pay for overseas shipping?"

Yeah, I did, because there's that big sea between US and Canada. What the hell kind of a answer is that? Well in case you don't know, that's not an answer to anything other then maybe: "Hey, can you ask me a completely retarded and pointless question that will undoubtedly piss me off?"

I sent another couple emails, trying to be polite, asking for a simple straight answer to my question - and if the answer was no, I wanted my money back. Remember that little pledge from before? Money back guarantee - I would assume it would hold if I was unsatisfied before my order was even shipped.

Nearly 2 more weeks went by. I ordered on the 20th of September and here it is the 16th of October. I decided PayPal might be good for something so I filed a dispute with them over this idiot-stick. I got a response from him pretty quick and while you might think the response would make me happy...you'd be wrong, it made it worse.

I asked several times, by the way, about a tracking number, since Global Priority has one. And here's the response - this is cut and pasted too:

"This item shipped international first class on 10/10. Please let us know if you got it yet."

There's 3 things wrong with this sentence, each one more annoying and moronic then the last.
(1) "International First Class"??? That's not what he advertised and not what I paid for. Not good.
(2) "Sent on 10/10"...??? 3 weeks later? And a week after I asked for my money back? Nice.
(3) "Please let us know if you got it yet"? Yes, I did thank you. I just filed a "Non-receipt" dispute because, by golly, it's the most funnest thing ever. I'm beginning to wonder if this really isn't a monkey I'm dealing with.

Needless to say, by the time I get my order it'll probably be too late. And I think it goes without saying that I will never deal with this braindead ass-clown ever again.

That's it. I'm still annoyed. I'm going to watch Buffy.